and now you want more

you suddenly seem to breath our world through the eyes of others.
in two weeks you’ve gone from not caring,
to caring far, far too much.

‘he liked your post’ – shot,
‘she replied to your tweet’ – shot,

you seemed to live your life as merely yours,
but I see it, you feel overwhelmingly consumed;
absorbed in the perpetual cycle where your mind ensues
a jealousy and anger of the world around you,
brought on by the need and desire for that which evades you.

shot.

you were so independent from them;
so independent from their lives,
their happiness,
their sadness,
their world.

shot.

but they found you. they found you through a lens,
and that’s all you could ever ask for. that’s all you ever did ask for.
and now you feel as if your life is insignificant.

‘endorphins’ – shot,
‘coffee’ – shot,
‘drink’ – shot,
‘you’ – shot.

you want more from the world where you never ventured before,
more from the place where your beauty never lived.
if you start to live your life through the eyes of others,
you’ll never find the beauty that comes from your own inner will.

shot.

continue to live your life through your own lens,
isn’t that what you learnt this year?
your lens is beautiful, it’s brilliant, and smart,
and clean and beautiful, again. love yourself for a change.

if you don’t do it Rhys, I will.
I promise you I will.

“sick photo dude” – “shot”.

 

Written after scrolling through Instagram one night and experiencing a new feeling of jealousy over a post. Not something I’m used to experiencing, and I wanted to remind myself that people only really put the great parts of their lives up on social media. The rest seems to take a back seat, even if it may be consuming them entirely. Even if it may have consumed me entirely at a point last year.

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