Why is it that this place makes me so angry?
Why is it that here, I wake up each morning looking forward to a day of infinite invigoration just to end it in frustration and fury. Why do I find that the threads of wisdom glimmer only briefly before evaporating into the seemingly endless expense that has become of this place. Why is it that I wake up every morning ready to defeat the challenges of the world, and end every evening with the universe beating me into it’s mold of monotonous splendour. Have I really let this place defeat me?
It was three weeks ago when I questioned the lack of smiles, the lack of heart and the lack of happiness. I questioned where, in the two weeks nearing the end of an incredible year, the spirit of Metanoia had gone. I questioned why we were stuck in a paradoxically toxic system in which we are set up for a future of stress, anxiety and immediacy. I questioned why we wake up every day with a hope for a better world and we are immediately shoved into a corner, told that our thoughts are probably best keep private.
I live in the heart and soul of this university; in a res in which I am spoilt with the best of all people. Why then, now-a-days, do I sit alone, avoiding my friends out of fear of them seeing my rage. Why do I shy away from my life, putting everything on hold for a three hour moment in which I seem to fail in the quest for knowledge. I used to enjoy my work, but now I just despise it, and I don’t know why.
Why is it that we live in a place filled with so much anger? How can a five week exam period turn an entire campus so sour. I have always refused the view of unfound anger, opting instead to be the person who sees only the best in people. Yet now I find myself becoming the demon I avoided. No matter how hard I try, I am beaten down. I find myself becoming yet another ‘eight char string’, stuck in a system where those who supposedly lend you a future, frankly don’t care enough to lend you an hour.
We plunder ourselves, replacing the missing pieces with the rotten spoils of an ancient system instead of thriving in the vastness that is possibility. I am strong, but this place has broken me.
So, I’ve decided. I am here, no longer for my degree, but for those people and experiences which this place has brought me. For the brothers and sisters who have made my world here unthinkably spectacular, for the extra things and craziness which has made this place my second home. That is my new drive. Not to gratify and solidify the paychecks of certain individuals, but to show this place that it will not get to me again.
*Oh, and if you’re reading the post with the mindset that it’s just another petty student without a clue of the real world, you’re probably right, but kindly go away. It’s my post, not yours.